i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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