You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize