so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
and she was petting her beer can
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize