i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
