This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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