There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
