Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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