i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
