I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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