I can tuck mytits in my pants
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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