Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
