Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
