I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
