If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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