There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
