ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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