Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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