Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
