You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
