Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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