I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
