So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
