We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
