oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
