Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
