I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
