I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
