i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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