I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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