i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
