So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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