after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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