Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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