I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
