He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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