I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
