Welp...herpes.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
