Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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