Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
