the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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