He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
