We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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