He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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