Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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