I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize