yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
