In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Me. At least after what I've been through.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
did i walk over a car last night?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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