Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You took a bar mat shot.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize