I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
