i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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