There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
