We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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