She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
