wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Randomize
