this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
