forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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