maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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