Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
