Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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