You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
kristin has been a bad kristin
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
