he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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