I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize