Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
