you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Life is so much better after having sex.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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