Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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