I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
ttyl tear gas
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
