I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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