OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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